This Life That I Own

My first poem

I know that I can't throw this beast even half of a bone, I'm shocked by his strength and how much he has grown, It's a tough pill to swallow but I must let him go, If I sincerely want to live a life of my own. I conceal such potential like a prince seeks his throne, But I choose to throw it away for some drugs like codone, I think my brain has a glitch because for my fix I have to ask for a loan, My standards will rise if I just live a life of my own. I've lost count of the patches on my past I have sewn, And I notice my words aren't conducive to behavior I've shown, I'm desperate for change and I'm ashamed as a result of the ways I condone, I pray for strong hands in order to have a good grip to ease a life that's been carelessly thrown, My fear is to never experience the feeling of living a life of my own. Appreciating a blue sky comes when darkness and rain are all that you've known, I remember the day it started to rain was the day I bought some ice cream, but I guess my favorite snack no longer comes with a cone, Until I start living this life for real, I'll keep losing the battle exhausted and alone, You think I should surrender in order to live a life of my own? I have a feeling that by some mysterious grace a light breeze will be blown, And randomly I'll get the urge to dial a number unaware that God will answer the phone, I'll have only one request and realize that this time the beast has flown, That should make it easier to ask that He manage this life that I own.